KissFolio^1.0

Never underestimate the power of the perfect kiss. Get it right, and the rest will fall into place.

It has been theorized that a woman decided within five minutes of meeting a man whether or not she will have sex with him. Possibly true, but there is one catch. Most women I know, myself included, may initially decide we'll have sex with a guy, but when we find out he's a bad or a mediocre kisser, we change our minds entirely. We decide we will never have sex with this guy. He won't even get asked for a nightcap, much less for breakfast the next morning. As our lips part while we stand on the doorstep, we will announce that we have an early-morning meeting or (if you were really awful) that we're actually already married to someone else.

What we will never, ever say is, "God, you're a lousy kisser. I was going to have sex with you until just this moment." This is one of the ways in which men and women differ. If a man is very attracted to a woman but discovers she's a bad or mediocre kisser, he'll probably have sex with her anyway if presented with the opportunity. A woman can't get past a bad kiss. (Unless, of course, she's a horrible kisser herself, but we're not talking about those women here.) Experience has shown most women that a bad kiss only spells trouble down the road, so to speak. After all, if he hasn't mastered kissing and fails to see its sensual possibilities, what hope is there for, ahem, anything else?

The disappointment of a bad kiss is a recurring topic of discussion among a group of single women I run with in the park several times a week. "It tuens into a fabric softener thing," says Nora, a blond from Dallas, when describing the previous night's date. "You know, where the guy kisses you and it's so bad but you've got to finish it up so your mind wanders and you start wondering if you have enough fabric softener to do two loads of laundry the next day?" She laughs. "So I'm thinking about that, and the guy says, "Wow! You're very passionate."

Oh, the egos we would crush if men could hear the post-mortems. If any guys happen to be running with us, they immediately demand to know what exactly constitutes a bad or good kisser. So we tell them about the all-purpose litmus test: A bad kisser, reguardless of whether he likes to secrete a gallon of drool or waggle his head like a dog menacing a bone, seems to be simultaneously thinking: " When can we get to step two? And three and four? Is she aroused yet? can I put my hand on her breast now?" He sees kissing as the next step on a carnal quest. The good kisser, however, sees the kiss as the destination itself. He kisses as if he will never do anything else with this woman, as if he never wants to do anything else with this woman. He kisses as if this is what he's been dying to do for years and he wants to savor every moment. I guarentee you that this is when the woman decides there will be other activities on the agenda.

The first thing to remember: When in Doubt, Go Slowly. make that first kiss slow and gentle and easy. While you may want to demonstrate that you're a cauldron of seething desire, save that for later, when you're both sufficiently warmed up. In the meantime, resist the urge to mash your face against hers so hard your teeth collide and she ends up with brush burns from your stubble. One woman in our running group actually passed out during a particularly bad kiss of this sort, when the man pressed his face to hers so tightly he blocked off her nose with his cheek, mistook her thrshing for passion, and suddenly felt her body go limp. "i was out for maybe thrity seconds," she says. "Fortunately, he had me in a bear hug, so I didn't hit the group. Of course, he thought I passed out because the kiss was so good." This is what's known as the Harrison Ford School of Making Out. Watch him in the movies,a nd watch his costar's face get twisted out of shape from the sheer force. this is also why they're panting afterward. It's not from desire, it's oxygen deprivation. So the second thing to remember while kissing is to make sure she can still breathe through her nose.

There are other movie stars who perpetuate bad kissing styles. There's the Tom Cruise Method (as seen in Top Gun), whereby his tongue is already slithering out before he's met her lips. This is also referred to as the Lizard-King Style, and once lip-locked, it may also feature the rather grotesque tongue-insterted-rapidly-in-and-out. Most women do not cherish the idea of kissing a large anaconda, which is what this must be similar to. Equally unappealing is when the guy's tongue seems to be on a thorough search for any food trapped between the woman's molars. This is her tongue's job, not yours. The only response possible is for the woman to open her mouth wide and remain motionless while he finishes his routing, a posture that calls to mind trips to the dentist.

Like good sex and great dancing, any tongue action should involve a give-and-take, with both parties allowed the opportunity for interaction in a saliva-laden minuet. Get into a groove with this, and every now and then you may want to stop for a short time while still joined at thelips. Like being on a dance floor and suddenly holding your partner motionless, it can have the galvanizing effect of heightening the sensation. this is ideally practiced in places like a dark booth in a dive bar with a great jukebox. Just make sure your sleeve doesn't catch fire from the candle on the table.

So although no one wants a tongue completely jammed down her throat, neither do we want its exact opposite, as favored by Woody Allen, one of the screen's all-time-worst kissers. Check out the last scene in Hannah and Her Sisters, and you'll see him pecking away at Dianne Wiest. This Road-runner-eats-birdseed style of dry, repeated kisses accompanied by inordinately loud smacky sounds is not what any woman fantasizes about--even if she's weird enough to fantasize about kissing Woody Allen. The occasional smacky sound is inevitable and can exciting, but go easy on the moaning and groaning. Its sounds fake at best and, at worst, like an unconscious habit, like tuneless whistling.

Daniel Day-Lewis belongs in the kissing hall of fame for Best Use of Hands. He gently caresses his costar's face and touches her hair, a model of how hands can increase the erotic pleasure of the moment. Bear in mind the hands should not be used to prevent the woman from going anywhere or to clamp her head into one uncomfortable position. Remember most women like men to toy gently with their hair. After decades of bad press about sticky hairsprays and helmet hair, most of us have been using products to enhance "touchability" and are favoring hairstyles that look good a bit tousled. So go ahead and touch hair. And quit using all that sticky hairspray and goo so we can go back to touching yours.

Finally, I offer this suggestion: Try opening your eyes. I once cautiously opened my eyes while kissing and saw a pair of brown eyes staring back at me, which made the kiss even better because it became more intimate. Some people find this to be an impossible task (like sneezing with your eyes open), but while the prevailing belief is that we must try to block out all other sensations, you may find that kissing with your eyes open is the sensual equivalent of making love with the lights on. And if you're going to be kissing for several hours in a make-out bar, it's a good idea to peek periodically at the where-abouts of your drinks, her purse, and your wallet.

Anthropologists have not reached a consensus as to whether kissing is a learned or an instinctive behavior. It may be related to grooming behavior also seen between other animals, or arising as a result of mothers premasticating food for their children. Kissing allows prospective mates to smell and taste each other's pheromones for biological compatibility. Women are subconsciously more attracted to men whose major histocompatibility complex portion of their genome is different than her own, leading to offspring with resistance to a greater number of diseases, and thus having a better chance of survival. This explains why couples are more likely to bond if they have the right "chemistry". Many primates also exhibit kissing behavior.

Kissing as affection

In modern Western culture, kissing is most commonly an expression of affection. This is unlike many parts of the world where kissing is viewed as a means of respecting others.

Between people of close acquaintance, a kiss, often reciprocal, is offered as a greeting or farewell. This kind of kiss is typically made by brief contact of puckered lips to the skin of the cheek or no contact at all, and merely performed in the air near the cheek with the cheeks touching. Such kissing is a common greeting in European and Latin American countries between a man and a woman or between two women but also by two men in parts of Europe, the Middle East and Latin America, such as Argentina. However, in most Western societies, it is often more acceptable for women to kiss each other than men kissing each other. People sometimes kiss children to comfort them or show affection, and vice versa. This usually takes place on the forehead or cheek.

As an expression of romantic affection or sexual desire, kissing involves two people kissing one another on the lips, usually with much more intensity, and for a considerably longer period of time. In more passionate kissing couples may open their mouths, suck on each other's lips, or move their tongues into each others' mouths (see French kiss). Sexual kissing may also involve one person kissing another on various parts of the body (see Foreplay).

In romantic and sexual kissing, the physical sensations are often of primary importance. One might find it stimulating if their partner moved their tongue in small circles against their own, or bite the lips gently. Caution should be exercised, as others may find the biting of lips distasteful and displeasing, not enjoying it.

Kissing as symbolism

A symbolic kiss

When not as expression of affection, a kiss is a largely symbolic gesture in that the purpose of the kiss is to convey a meaning, such as salutations or subordination, rather than to experience the physical sensations associated with kissing. Kisses on the cheek as salutations are traditional in many parts of continental Europe, and the number of kisses, alternating cheeks, depends on which region one comes from.

Kissing may also be used to signify reverence and subordination, as in kissing the ring of a queen or other figure. A kiss can also be rude or done for the sake of irritating or proving one's superiority.

A more ominous use of the kiss is as a symbol of condemnation as may be observed when a crime lord kisses an underling, in effect imposing a death sentence upon that person, the ultimate "goodbye kiss" or the "kiss of death". Indeed, in the Bible, Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss.

The term Kissing Hands is used to formally describe the appointment of the senior state figures to office by British monarchs. Though in the past, the monarch's hand was actually kissed, this is no longer so. When figures such as the British Prime Minister, cabinet members and diplomatics are formally appointed, they are said to have Kissed Hands. (Kissing the hand is still practised as a romantic flourish, especially in Latin countries.)

In the Eastern Orthodox Church, kissing is a sign of veneration or respect. People kiss icons to show their veneration to the person depicted in the icon. When a layman meets a priest, he holds out his hands and says "Father, bless". The priest will then bless him and hold out his hand for the layman to kiss. During the Divine Liturgy, the congregants come to the front of the church to kiss the Book of the Gospels and the blessing Cross at various parts of the service (after kissing these the congregants also kiss the priest's hand). Congregants also kiss the chalice and the priest's hand after receiving Holy Communion, to show their respect to the Body and Blood of Christ.

Kissing the hand of a religious leader is often observed among Shia or Sufi followers of Islam, as well.

Other uses

The term is also used for expressions of affection that do not involve the lips. The "Eskimo kiss" is executed by the two individuals gently rubbing the tips of their noses together. In the M?ori culture of New Zealand people greet each other by pressing noses together; this gesture is called a hongi. A "butterfly kiss" consists of two people putting their eyes close to each other and fluttering their eyelashes upon one another's.{cn} A caterpillar kiss consists of two people rubbing their eyebrows together.

The kiss does not exist in all cultures, as certain societies find it repugnant.In Burmese Days, George Orwell notes that the Burmese do not kiss at all, and have no word for the practice.

A kiss can be "blown" using actions of the hand and the mouth. This is used to convey affection usually while parting, when the partners are physically distant but can view each other. Blown kisses are also used when a popular person wishes to convey affection to a large crowd or audience.

Roman men would kiss their wives on the mouth on arrival home from work to test if they had been drinking during the day.

A study by researchers at University at Albany found that women use kiss as a tool to find the right father for their children and to judge men exclusively on the quality of the first kiss that they share.

Asymmetry in kissing

To avoid a clash of noses while kissing, couples often turn their faces slightly to one side, thereby orienting their heads at an angle with respect to each other. To make this position more comfortable, one member of the couple may support the other, perhaps across the lap or in an embrace—thus combining hugging with kissing. The person supporting the other may tend to take the more active role in the kiss. Writing in Nature, psychologist Onur G?nt?rk?n observed couples kissing in public places such as airports and parks; his research demonstrated that by a 2:1 ratio the direction of turn is more frequently to the right than to the left. G?nt?rk?n ascribed this asymmetry to a neonatal right-side preference .

The anatomy of kissing

Kissing is a complex behaviour that requires significant muscular coordination; in fact, a total of twenty muscles working cooperatively. The most important muscle involved is the orbicularis oris muscle, which is used to pucker the lips and informally known as the kissing muscle. The tongue can also be an important part of the kiss.

The Kiss by Gustav Klimt.

Screen kiss

A screen kiss is one portrayed in a film (the equivalent act in a play is known as a stage kiss). The plot of a film or play may involve characters falling in love with each other, but the actors playing this role might not have any personal relationship with each other whatsoever. Because sharing a kiss is a private, emotive experience for many people, actors often report kissing to be one of the most difficult aspects of their profession, in that it requires them to convey the feeling of passion and love when none is present.

Young actors and actresses in particular may find screen kisses embarrassing and require time to accustom themselves to the task at hand. In the case of some sitcoms who utilize a laugh track or film the show in front of live audiences, whenever a popular male lead shares a kiss with an equally popular female lead, the audience reacts with a collective "OoooooOOOOOooooh!" in a somewhat teasing fashion. This is an example of a typical sitcom audience reaction.

The 1896 short film The Kiss featured the first known screen kiss, a forty-seven second recreation of a stage kiss from the musical The Widow Jones. The movie was considered scandalous at the time of its release but has since entered film history as one of the most memorable early films. The longest onscreen kiss was performed by Gregory Smith and Stephanie Sherrin in the 2005 film Kids in America and lasted "just over six minutes."

Lady and the Tramp is a 1955 animated feature film known for its unexpected animated screen kiss over a plate of spaghetti.

Diseases arising from kiss

Kissing can result in the transmission of diseases from one another. These diseases include Mononucleosis and herpes.

This is a guide to basic kissing, i.e. you learn the basics and get the basics right, then experiment and try different styles and more advanced techniques.

1. Brush your teeth, get a good bath, nicely groomed and clean and fresh, before meeting the other person. There's nothing worse than kissing the rear end of a garbage truck

2. Get into a comfortable position - you can't kiss if your back feels like it's gonna break. Suggestion - Sit side by side on a comfy sofa.

3. Hold your lover , firmly but gently - don't cause pain. Suggestion would be to hold the shoulders, the neck or gently on the side of the face, one side or both sides.

4. Move your faces closer. Don't bump noses. Suggestion would be the guy angle his face slightly so you don't bump noses.

5. Kiss gently, normal closed lips kissing, and close your eyes. Closing your eyes increases the sensations you feel, and also sets the mood.

6. Continue kissing gently. Get comfortable with simple closed lips, lip-to-lip kissing before going anywhere else.

7. If fine till here, tentatively, slowly and lightly draw your tongue across the other person's lips.

8. Chances are from here, if the other person lightly parts her tongue, slowly explore the other person's tongue in a light licking motion.

9. The tongue has a very sensitive surface, which is why tongue to tongue is the essence of french kissing.

10. After you've tried lightly licking the other person's tongue, you can try sucking on it, wrestling with it ( see if you can hold it to the floor of her mouth ) and other things like that.

11. Explore the other areas of the mouth. Especially the roof of the mouth. Lightly lick, or tickle the area with your tongue.

12. Don't bite. whatever you do, don't bite.

13. Don't swing your tongue round and round like a windmill. Explore lightly, don't drill your way through.

14. Breathe through your nose. Breathe through your nose. I say again, breathe through your nose.

15. Follow so far? You can lightly use your hands too, lightly rubbing the other person. Suggestions, along the waist, along the back, the arms, especially the inside of the arm, the neck, maybe running your fingers through her hair. Again, don't cause pain.

16. Continue kissing.

When is it OK to give somebody a first kiss? Is it OK to kiss on the first date?

Yes, it is OK to kiss on the first date. It isn't timing that matters when deciding to kiss somebody, it is feelings that count. Do you like this person? Do you think s/he likes you back? Are you attracted to each other? Do you feel comfortable enough with this person to get intimate? Do you trust him/her and his/her intentions toward you? Are you willing to risk your feelings on a kiss with somebody you do not know well or trust yet? These are the sorts of things you need to consider when thinking about whether or not to kiss somebody. If you answered yes to the first five questions on this list then it looks like you are in the right place mentally to kiss and it doesn't matter whether that happens on the first date or on the tenth date. When it is right, your heart and mind will be in agreement and you will know.

How can I tell if s/he wants me to kiss her/him?

The obvious answer to this question is "just ask", but most teens are not comfortable being that forward. FYI: lots of people think it is very sweet and romantic to be asked, something like, "I really like you and would love to kiss you right now, may I?" usually gets the message across in a nonchalant kind of way. If you don't feel suave enough to pull this off there are some clues to be found in body language. If somebody is open to being kissed they are likely to sit close to you, smile and laugh a lot, lick their lips, run their fingers through their own hair or yours, touch your arm, shoulder or face, and frequently tilt their head. Other tell-tale signs include suggestions that the two of you go somewhere private or quiet, that you go somewhere to be alone, or that you go someplace to talk. Maybe s/he will beat you to the punch and ask you to kiss them... stranger things have happened.

How can I let him/her know that I want to be kissed?

Again, the obvious answer here is "speak up", let the person you want to kiss you know by saying something like, "Is there any chance you might want to kiss me tonight?" If being forward is not your thing you really don't have much else to go with, as the saying goes, the ball is not in your court. You can send out signals by being attentive to the object of your affections, you can smile, stay close by and touch him/her discreetly. Other than that, the only thing you can do is wait for, and hope that, s/he will make the first move.

How do I politely put on the brakes when my steady starts pushing kissing to the next level?

At a time like this being polite should be the least of your worries. Being diplomatic is all you should be concerned about. Start by gently pushing him/her away and saying that things are going father than you want. That should work. If it doesn't, your partner isn't being polite and you shouldn't be too bothered about doing so either. Push harder, and be firmer in what you say, stand up and move away from him/her if necessary. If /she is really unyielding you may have to get angry to be heard. Don't be shy; this is your body and you are the only person who gets to decide what to do with it. Chances are very good that your partner will stop when you first put up the stop signals, so it is unlikely that things will have to get ugly. But if you do need to assert yourself to make the other person stop, do not be afraid to do so, living with the fact that somebody bullied you into being more intimate than you wanted to be is never a nice thing.

What is a Butterfly Kiss and how do I do it?

A Butterfly Kiss is a kiss that does not involve the lips. It is when two people put their eyes close to each other and flutter their eyelashes. Think blinking really fast while pressing your face to another person.

What is an Eskimo Kiss and how do I do it?

An Eskimo Kiss is another kiss that does not involve the lips. In an Eskimo Kiss two people rub their noses together gently.

What is a French Kiss and how do I do it?

A French Kiss is an open mouth kiss that involves moving your tongue in and out of your partner's mouth as they do the same. It is a kind of kiss that requires practice and most people find it sloppy and unpleasant at first. For a more detailed description of how to French Kiss see: How To French Kiss

I have braces, is there a trick to kissing with these things on so that neither one of us gets cut?

Yes, the trick to kissing when one of you wears braces is simple; be gentle. Do not get all hot and heavy, keep the kissing soft and sweet. You may want to control the pace since you (as the person with the braces) will get the worst of any cutting. If things get too fast and furious take a break and nicely remind your partner that you have metal braces on your mouth that kind of hurt when the kissing gets hard. S/he will most likely be very understanding and if s/he isn't, why would you want to go on kissing them anyway?

My steady has bad breath which makes kissing not so fun, how can I let him/her know without hurting his/her feelings?

The kindest way to handle this is the most subtle, invest in breath spray or mints and before the two of you start kissing pop one yourself. Turn to your date and say, "I think fresh breath should be a kissing priority, don't you?" then give him/her a mint or hand over the breath spray. When you phrase it like this it doesn't allow for a "no thanks" response and is non-threatening since you freshened your breath as well.

Is kissing somebody else when you are in a relationship considered cheating?

Yes, and no. 99.9% of the population would consider this cheating but a very small number of people would not. In a relationship you need to establish these limits before you ever find yourself in the situation to test them. If you do not know for a fact that your steady is OK with you kissing somebody else then yes, doing so would be cheating. If you know your steady would be OK with it you still have somebody else to think about, namely the other person you are kissing. How will s/he feel when you stay with your current flame? Does s/he know you are spoken for and understand that you have no intention of breaking things off over a kiss? Are you sure that your steady really won't be hurt or is s/he saying it is OK out of a fear of losing you if s/he says otherwise. This is a complicated matter and life is complicated enough! When you are committed to one person you have no business being with another; why make things more complicated than they need be?

If I kiss somebody in the heat of the moment does that mean I have to start a relationship with him/her?

No. Kissing somebody does not mean you have to start dating them exclusively. In fact, it may be that you don't even want to date them at all. While it is never a good idea to kiss on a lark, it does happen. If you find yourself in this situation don't make things worse by ignoring the person you kissed or treating them like they don't matter. Come clean straight away. Tell them that you were caught up in a moment and that you really don't have any romantic feelings toward them. Apologize for leading him/her on and mean it. Let them know that you never meant to hurt their feelings but that you have to be honest. Be prepared for the fallout; rumors, angry looks from his/her friends, anger, and take it as it comes, after all you did lead somebody on. It won't be easy, but it is the right thing to do.

Why do I sometimes get red and tender patches around my mouth after kissing my boyfriend?

Razor burn, the tenderness and redness you speak of happens when a guy's 6 o'clock shadow rubs against your skin and irritates it. Prolonged kissing is the most common culprit, but it can happen with just a few well-performed kisses as well. There is little you can do to avoid the situation except kiss with less intensity, kiss less often or insist that he be very clean-shaven before every date.

How can I tell if I am a good kisser?

You can't. What some people think is great kissing, others may dislike. Some people like light tender kissing while others prefer to get all hot and heavy. It is really a matter of preference, practice and chemistry that determines how good you are at kissing. There are a few kissing don'ts that are agreed upon by most people; thumbs down to wet and slobbery kisses, over eager partners, unromantic gestures, overly busy hands and too much tongue.

Is kissing your pillow really a good way to practice?

Not really. Pillows can't kiss back and are nothing like a real person. While practicing on your pillow can't hurt it won't make you look kiss like a Casanova either. The best practice always come from kissing a real person who you have real feelings for.

I kissed a friend of the same sex, does this mean that I am gay?

It might, or it might not. There is more involved in being gay than simply who you kiss at any given moment in time. Are you attracted to the person you kissed? Are you generally attracted to people of the same gender? Are you attracted to people of the opposite sex? Do you find it hard to connect with people of the opposite sex on a romantic level? When (if) you have opposite sex relationships do you feel like something is missing or is not right? Do you have same sex romantic fantasies? These are the types of things that determine whether or not you are gay, not one kiss.

When making out with somebody how far do you HAVE to go? If you stop too soon are you really a tease?

You only ever have to go as far as you want to go. Kissing somebody is not a promise of something more later. You are not leading somebody on or being a tease because you don't want to move beyond kissing or because you want to stop kissing at a different point then your partner. Anybody who suggest otherwise is not worthy of your kisses in the first place. Ideally kissing should be part of a relationship built on trust, caring, respect and friendship. A person who is in the relationship for the right reasons would never need to make you feel bad about wanting to stop.

What is meant by first, second, and third base and homerun?

This one always confused me as a teen too. I was never sure what the lingo meant, although I was sure that homerun meant having sex. So, I asked around and was surprised to lean that most of my buddies aren't 100% on this one either. The general consensus seems to be the following; first base = kissing, second base = kissing and touching over clothes, third base = kissing and touching under clothes, home = sex. Now in my opinion these terms are usually used when reliving events for friends and are not a part of any moment of intimacy. Who ever got romantic by asking if they could make it to second base? If you want to know what this means so you can decipher the gossip you hear around school, fine, but if you are looking for the right words to describe your own activities you may want to think for a moment. When you get intimate with somebody there is an implied trust that should not be ignored. If you gossip about what you did you are betraying that trust and what does that say about you? The baseball analogy is a pretty immature way to talk about some very mature stuff and aren't you better than that?